1) I got home from my mission in May (yes, it has been that long since I've written in this thing)
2) I am at school now where I am taking 17 credits, including such classes as engineering statics, multivariable calculus, and marching band.
3)No, I do not have a girlfriend (once point number one has been established, this is usually the answer to the next question asked).
There are many things about my life that I could be writing about right now, and I'm sure that there are many things that some of you want to hear (although what they are, I'm not sure). What I am going to write about instead is a question that came up that I simply do not understand. Maybe it is because of my gender, or maybe I am just one odd duck. Either way, I am seeking the guidance of the cloud - I am outsourcing my thinking to you, my loyal reader(s).
You see, I have a friend. This friend, Bob (<= her name has been changed so that my life may be preserved), is currently on some medication. This is medication powerful enough that not only can it cause liver failure, you have to go into the doctor once a month to prove that you aren't pregnant as the medication could do permanent damage to the unborn child. What exactly is it that this medication is treating that is so vital that she'd risk so much? The answer: acne.
When I asked why she would risk her life in exchange for a clear complexion, she said that everyone has something that they would do anything to change. I know that that statement isn't true, because as I pondered each physical flaw I see in the mirror (and believe me, depending on the day, there can be several), I saw not one worth the risking my health and/or my life to fix. However, is this true for everyone else?
I do not want anyone reading this to think that this post is Bash-Bob time. If I wanted to bash Bob, I would've used her real name. No, I am honestly trying to understand the rationale. (By the way, I have similar problems with most cosmetic surgeries, but that's a conversation for another time.) If your life wasn't at stake already, why would you risk it for extra beauty points? Is it better to have slightly lower self-esteem or to have higher self-esteem and lack a liver? Maybe I'm just hopelessly nerdy (<= this is an honest option - experience has taught me to never rule it out), but I just don't care about a couple of pimples that much.
If anyone out there could help me understand this, I would appreciate it. I try very hard in my life to show empathy to others, to see things the way they see them, before coming to a conclusion. However, this is one thing that I have never understood. I have had the same fight with other people before. Since I have yet to find someone who fully takes my side on this issue, I can come to three conclusions:
1) I am wrong.
2) I am revolutionary.
3) I haven't spoken to the right people.
Ockham's Razor suggests that the first is true, but a man can dream. Please help me out on this! If you do, I'll let you count it as your daily good turn. Also, if there are stories that you want to here, feel free to let me know. In my massive amounts of spare time (ha!), I'll do my best to reply. Answers for stories - sounds like a fair trade to me.
I don't know Bob. but I don't understand changing your appearance either. This may not be the case, however, my thoughts are that she really believs that she will feel better about herself once this one thing changes. I don't think it's true. If she's not happy with her looks now, she'll find something wrong later even after the acne's gone. She needs to be comfortable in the skin she's already in. just my thoughts
ReplyDeleteI disagree with Bob, but I can definitely see where she's coming from. I agree that there may be something else she'll be unhappy about when her acne's gone, but then again, maybe not. And feeling like you look good is such a confidence booster. I've seen this in so many girls' lives. One of my friends from England would completely cake makeup on her face, as well as take medication, to cover up/cure her acne. We would always ask her why she put on so much makeup, because we thought she was beautiful enough without it, and even if for some reason we thought she was ugly, it wouldn't matter, because we loved her with or without makeup. She ended up making a goal to go without makeup for two whole weeks, and now she uses it to enhance her beauty, not cover up her flaws. I think us just letting her know that we loved her and thought she was beautiful allowed her to see the beauty in herself, while still dealing with what she saw as her flaws without being extreme.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this does not answer your question. I think that you are partially right, and partially wrong. I definitely agree that it can be taken to the extreme--you shouldn't risk your life to look good, because if you're unhealthy, you're not going to be feeling or looking good. But I think that it's important not to discredit mental health and how physical health and appearance (especially for girls on the 2nd one) can affect mental health and each other.
And one last point, I think lots of it is the media harming the already-fragile esteem of lots of girls. It's a problem.
Anyway. I need to stop rambling. Just my thoughts.
Does "Bob" know there are about a half a million other solutions to clearing acne that are safer to use? And probably cheaper too? I think if anyone does something that risky to their health, they aren't looking at the long-term effects. What happens when she does want to have children? Is she going to give up the clear face just like that? Because, from my personal experience, being pregnant makes you have even MORE acne than normal, and some days it's hard to really feel beautiful. If someone can't accept what they look like now, how are they going to feel when they are pregnant, or even when they are 70 and falling apart??
ReplyDeleteI like how Rachel put it. I don't think Bob has completely thought of better options she could have taken; risking your life for acne is not a good decision. BUT it's her decisions, so I suggest asking her if she could use something less harmful but just as affective...but also ask her thoroughly about what she's using so that you know all the facts, not just part fact/part opinion. So no, using something harmful like that is not smart.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, like Rachel said, obviously Bob's acne is something that bothers her tremendously and affects her self-esteem. Telling her that she should like her looks more isn't going to change what she thinks about herself. Women do like to feel beautiful. And sometimes changes or helps can definitely boost her confidence.
If I may add an example...remember in high school when I got veneers put on my teeth and you definitely weren't a fan of what I was about to do because you thought I should like myself the way I was and all that? Well, I didn't like that part of me. I hadn't really smiled in pictures since I was 8 and it was a constant embarrassment for me. Well I did it. And I had never felt so happy or confident or beautiful. My confidence level went up tremendously and all of those feelings about my looks has stayed the same ever since then. So I don't agree with Chip's comment that Bob'll just look for something else to be unhappy with. Because once you have that one thing fixed, then everything else doesn't matter or isn't quite as big of deal. I mean, no I don't like that my teeth aren't white white, but hey. I'm not going to go beat myself up about it. Anyway, I hope that made sense. So...let Bob know that you're worried about her and maybe help find something as affective but less harmful...but don't judge her for wanting something that could add to her self-esteem. It'll make her happy, so be happy for her.
Ok rambling like Rach...but I wanted you to know what I thought.
I think I took the same medication as Bob when I was in junior high. I hated the way I looked and the way others looked at me. I had no self esteem. I thought that maybe if I looked better, I might have more friends, might have people actually talk to me, might feel better about myself. Like it or not, society is very much focused on the looks of the individual. We can choose to follow. We can choose to not follow. For me, I followed enough that I took this medicine, but I don't succumb to most other peer pressure-type things. I wanted to feel good about me. It was me feeling good about me. It wasn't because of how other people felt about me. It was me. I know that's kind of what some people think about eating disorders. They know it's wrong, they know it's not healthy, but for some people...it's what makes them happy. I don't regret that I took this medicine. Granted, now that I've matured a bit, I've realized that looks aren't everything. But unfortunately, we are in a society that seems to think looks ARE everything. We can try to avoid it. But sometimes it's really hard. I know now that I won't sacrifice my body just so I look "socially beautiful". But I don't regret that I took this medication. I think you should support her in her decision, but also try to let her know that you think she doesn't need it, maybe help her see she is beautiful. I think that'll help.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, your opinions aren't weird or wrong or anything. I think the same exact things most days. I even think most people have the same opinions as us. But societally, we're almost forced to do things a certain way. We may not like it, but for now, this is how it is.
Thank you everyone for your comments! I was actually surprised that some of you knew this blog existed, much less read it! All of you brought different ideas to the table, and I enjoyed learning from all of you. This went so well, perhaps this isn't going to be the last time I post a question I have about the way "normal" people act...
ReplyDelete